Friday, February 11


Here we go, brace yourself. The Valentine Cometh.

For me, Valentine's Day is a lot like New Year's Eve. There's too much pressure. Pressure to do something and for God's sake you'd better have a good time. It's always "what are you guys doing for Valentine's Day? Are you going somewhere for dinner? What are you giving? What did you get?" I always want to tell people that a) I've worked in enough restaurants that the last thing I want to do is go fight for a table somewhereanywhere, on the 14th. and b) I'd rather pay a bill than have flowers that die, and some box of Russell Stover which I am only going to cherry pick until I hork it down in under an hour. To be honest, flowers make me sad because they're so pretty and then you have to watch them die, slowly, in a vase. I guess that is a little morbid, but I'd rather think of it as sensitive in a Morrissey kind of way (look it up).

Like New Year's, Valentine's Day can be relationship nightmare especially if you've just started dating someone. As the holiday approaches you have to asses each scenario. Should you suggest something to do for New Years/Valentines? By doing that are you being presumptuous? And if so will your new boyfriend/girlfriend run the other way? Should you wait for them to say something? If so, what if they don't? Does this mean that they don't like you or don't take things a seriously as you do? What if they are waiting for you to say something and if you don't, then they think that you don't take things seriously?

I have a sneaking suspicion that dudes don't put that much thought into it, but I think that women do. At least I did, but I was/am a neurotic mess, therefore it may not hold true for everyone.

When I met Mark, all of that changed. Not the neurotic part, but all the worrying. He too thought that Valentine's was stupid, so we celebrated by going to a Chinese buffet. Don't judge. It was college, we were broke, and in those circumstances it's always quantity vs. quality. So for this upcoming Valentine's Day, instead of getting some schmaltzy card with two ceramic children holding hands, I thought that I'd let Mark know how much I really love him in because/in spite of the following:

  • Telling me stories from the AMB that I don't care about (these are his online "friends" that are the most caustic group of people that I've ever heard of. Although at times they can be funny second hand. I'll never think of Mastadon without laughing).
  • He thinks that he's a better driver than I am. Yes, I may have had more accidents but... I think that I just lost my argument.
  • Belief that the weather is the root cause of everything, ie. colds, flat tires, dog thirst.
  • Wearing his chef's jacket to McDonald's.
  • Refusal to throw out old socks, boxers and shoes because he might need them as "backups" one day.
  • The permanent filing system which consists of tiny bits of paper stuck in his wallet. It's very Costanza-esque.
  • The many, many inventions that he "thought of first." We are still waiting for that Furniture Slider royalty money.
  • Announcing that he is going to "bring back" certain slang terms. I just don't think that people are ready to refer to movies as "talkies" again.
  • Truly believing that 1975 was the greatest year ever, with an equation to prove it.
  • Unwavering hatred for the Doobie Brothers.
  • Thinking that he could survive any type of apocalyptic situation because he was in the boy scouts. Personally, I think that his zombie contingency plan reeks of failure.
  • Not ever letting go the moment, in the heat of an argument, when I said something about his "stupid fucking face." I was referring to the face he makes when he's frustrated. He totally didn't see it this way. Ten years after the fact, I am still defending myself.
  • Pausing the DVR whenever he has a proclamation to make during/about a TV show or movie. I always think that it should be accompanied by "hear ye, hear ye..."
But that list is exactly why I keep him around. He's absolutely my best friend, a great dad, and my longest running relationship. Except for my cat, Mitchell and that relationship was totally co-dependent and abusive. Anyway, Mitchell died, so if Mark can hang in there another three years, the title is his for the taking. Personally, I think that Mark is one groovy dude, you know, the bee's knees, the cat's pajamas. Check me out, I'm bringing it back.