Thank God that Holidays are over. OK, there is still one more day, but it really doesn't count because most people don't leave the couch all day. Frankly, that is my ideal way to start a new year. Lazy. Even though I enjoyed the actual Christmas part of the holiday, I'm totally over it now. I'm ready to put up the decorations, get the new basketball goal out of my living room (thanks, Dad) and...
Thursday, December 30
Friday, December 24
MERRY CHRISTMAS
This time of year always makes me think of Christmas past. Christmas was always both a stressful time and a highly profitable time of year for me. I had to maneuver three different Christmases with two different families, which was a lot to take for a little kid who really only wanted to stay at home on Christmas Day. However the upside was that I got a freakin' ton of presents. Or, as my Mom would...
Friday, December 17
BAD MOON ON THE RISE
During Piper's four days of unfortunate intestinal distress, there were many fake-outs that led us to believe that the worst was over. During one such reprieve, I unwisely decided to take her a "Breakfast with Santa" that I'd already paid for. I think had I not already laid out the cash, cooler heads might have prevailed and we would have skipped it. But hey, eleven dollars is eleven dollars.
I...
Friday, December 10
WHEN YOU'RE SLIDING INTO HOME....
I'm not very good with other people's bodily fluids. I was not the girl in high school that held your hair back when you threw up, that was Kellie Stewart who should be Sainted for taking care of everyone when we got hammered off of grain alcohol. I really thought that once I became a mother all that stuff wouldn't bother me anymore. I was wrong. Sure diapers are one thing, usually whatever is lurking...
Friday, October 22
DINNER FOR TEN
I've always had a running list of people I'd like to have dinner with. I figured that it was important to have this list on hand in case I suddenly got famous and needed to order people to my house to fawn all over me. Clearly the list fluctuates, and it's certainly not at all what it originally was. I will say that Crispin Glover has always been on it, but that also means that David Letterman can...
Saturday, October 9
LIKE A SAILOR - HEE
There aren't many things in this world that I love, aside from my family (dog included until he pees on something). I'm one of those people that tends to have a better grasp of what I don't like, because I'm so super upbeat and positive. So when I find something that I actually do like, it must be pretty important. Things like Chick-O-Sticks, the color black and profanity. I really, really...
Wednesday, October 6
HOME INTRUDER
Remember last year when I moved into the house that wound up being Amityville? Remember the toothless heroin addict with a penchant for adult toys and movies called "Anal Intruders IV?" Well, I do. As much time as I put into that hell hole I remember. And as the patron saint of Whatever & Ever Amen would say, I remember "the mud and the blood and the beer."
After surviving...
Thursday, September 30
BEST IMITATION OF MYSELF
"There's a big world out there. Bigger than prom, bigger than high school, and it won't matter if you were the prom queen or the quarterback of the football team or the biggest nerd. Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it.”
Sometimes I have this nightmare, you know, the one where it's...
Saturday, August 28
SOPHIA, SOPHIA, SOPHIA
Remember in Sophia in The Color Purple? Well, if you ever read the book (or let's be honest, you just saw the movie - didn't you?) you either know her as the physically imposing, strong-willed wife of Harpo, or you just have some vague recollection about Oprah Winfrey something-or-other. Either way,...
Thursday, August 12
SORTA RELEVENT MOVIE REVIEW- THE ROOM
I look forward to the day when I get to see a movie in an actual theater. I really miss it, but I also have to take into consideration that between tickets, treats and babysitters, I'm looking at about 80 American dollars to see one moving picture show (that's probably going to suck anyway). Instead,...
DOWN LIKE DISCO
A while back, a controversial video surfaced of a woman dragging her child through a Verizon store with the help of one of those backpack leashes. As I watched this disengaged mother pull her limp child, I was horrified that I wasn’t horrified. Instead, I thought to myself “I totally get that.” Apparently...
Tuesday, April 27
IF IF'S & BUT'S WERE CANDY & NUTS...
I never thought that I'd have children - ever. But as it turns out I did. Now I find myself having the most inane conversations about subjects that are really of no interest to anyone other than myself. While I love my kids, which the fact that that the word 'kid' is plural freaks me out, sometimes I miss the little things that I use to not even have to consider:
I miss not having spit stains on all...
Wednesday, March 31
IRRELEVANT MOVIE REVIEW– 2012
It’s been awhile, but give me a break, I’m pregnant and have low to moderate brain functionality right now. While I want to write blog posts, the most I can muster is a sarcastic comment or two from my couch at home, making every evening a little MST3K-ish. So, I figured why not do an entry on the shit movie I just watched if for no other reason than to keep Blogger from deleting my account due to...