Dear Jesus, Please work on your grammar. Love, Ashle...

Read More

RHYMIN' & STEALIN'

Suddenly back on their game, Victory Bible Church is dead set on driving a wedge between parents and their children. Although to be fair my Mom never said that. She did however tell me not to do drugs, but if I did "just don't pay for them." I think that this is from Dr. Seuss' blue perio...

Read More

DOUBLE YOUR FUN

I saw these and immediately thought, finally! There's been a big dry spell with the church marquee's lately. Anyhow, this week I've been blessed with not one, but two. Yea God! I don't know about you, but I consider this to be the feel-good message of the year. Also, what is "steal kill?" It sounds...

Read More

OH FOR F@$K'S SAKE! TECHNOLOGY EDITION

Darn this new-fangled telephone machine! I'm getting old. I don't like it, but it's the truth.  I'm not only exhibiting the physical signs like arthritic knees and gray hair, but I've started to slowly morph into a hybrid version of my parents.  It's especially noticeable when I catch myself...

Read More

PAYBACK'S A BITCH

I believe in karma. It exists and anyone who says differently just hasn't gotten a dose of it yet. Here's an example. When I was nineteen I hit a car in a parking lot. Knowing that I didn't have the money/insurance deductible to fix it, I drove away and didn't leave a  note. Then about a week...

Read More

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY

If you’re anything like me, when you think about cabin fever, you probably think about winter. Then, your thoughts may turn to Jack Torrance when he decided to get away from it all at lovely hotel with a great maze (yes, I know that the Overlook is haunted, but let’s not debate Kubrick right now)....

Read More

MAY I SUGGEST KNEEPADS?

Victory Bible Church hasn't been much fun lately. I have my suspicions that they saw me out there taking pictures and figured out that someone was laughing at them, which I can't imagine is the first time. They're back. With a vengeance.  Also, I think that sore knees precede a soft something...

Read More

HUH?

Often when I see something that Victory has put up, I at least have a snarky response to it. This one just confuses me. I don't get it. There isn't even a construction joke in there. My first thought when I saw this was that my Mom would really enjoy it since I'm always telling her to get down off the...

Read More

ICU81MI

They put this one up after the Rapture FAIL. Not terribly funny, but I thought to myself, "who's doing their signs now, a 14 year-old?" Either that or Prince. I'm going to go with Prince since "I Would Die 4U" could also be a contemporary Christian song. ...

Read More

PRINCESS PI

I don't know what I was thinking. For some reason I thought that it would be a good idea to take Piper with me and my Mom to the Princess Diana exhibit. I mean they had the wedding dress on display. I will say that that God-awful poofy mess looked a lot less obnoxious in person.  Not that...

Read More

DON'T LEAVE ME HANGIN'

I'll be the first to admit that I haven't read the Bible beyond what I was required to in Western Civ. But I just can't image that there is a passage like this. Then again, I could be wrong. Crashed a car? Had some wine? C'mo...

Read More

FUTURE GENERATION GAP

Not exaclty Devo 2.0 We have our turntable and stereo set up in the garage. While playing ping-pong in there with Mark, Piper picked out an album to listen to. She chose Days of Future Passed. After a few minutes she decided that she wanted to go in the house, because "this music's borin...

Read More

VICTORY TOUR

I haven't posted any photos from Victory Church's billboard in the last couple of weeks because they haven't been funny or offensive. I guess that I should be happy that they aren't spreading intolerance and poor grammar, but it's not so good for me. I drove by today and it looked like they had an incoherent message, so I will post it tomorrow.  In the meantime, I've discovered that Piper...

Read More

HELLO EVERY PONY

It's Monday and I'm actually posting like I said I would. It's a Victory miracle! True, this one isn't very funny, but it does leave me confounded. So, you're telling me that Hell isn't for everyone or it isn't for every body? Maybe it's only for the sexy bodies? It's cool, I know the door...

Read More

MAKIN' MEMORIES SCHWEGMANN'S STYLE

As we've established, I have a lot of screwed up memories from childhood. Sometimes it was my Dad having a bong sitting on top of the TV (which he tried to convince me was a vase), other times it was watching him chop wood in his living room or looking on as my Mom switched price tags on Christmas...

Read More

THREE DAYS LATER

There is something about the comparison to our Lord and Savior Jesus H. Christ to a zombie that never stops being funny. It looks like the good folks at the Victory Bible Church agree with that assessment.  My thanks to Mark who risked life, limb and the stink eye to get this picture for me.   Quick!...

Read More

MONDAY, MONDAY

On my way to work each day, I pass a church billboard that is smack dab in my eye line, which means that I can't not look. It use to be that their missives were rational, né almost inspirational. However after some time passed I noticed that they'd started taking a rather Phelp-sy turn. It happened...

Read More

MY TEETH HURT

Here we go, brace yourself. The Valentine Cometh. For me, Valentine's Day is a lot like New Year's Eve. There's too much pressure. Pressure to do something and for God's sake you'd better have a good time. It's always "what are you guys doing for Valentine's Day? Are you going somewhere for dinner? What are you giving? What did you get?" I always want to tell people that a) I've worked...

Read More

I NEED SOME CRACK

Wow, I cannot believe that it's been so long since I've written on this here blog. Believe it or not, one of my New Year's Resolutions was to blog on a somewhat consistent basis. However it seems that this, along with my other resolutions have fallen by the wayside. The ones like losing weight, or keeping my mouth shut. Truth be known, I'm exhausted. I'm so tired that even naps don't help (not like...

Read More