In the immortal words of Michael Jackson from the hit song Beat It: "No one wants to be de-feete...
Friday, July 6
Wednesday, June 20
IT'S MORE THAN A MOUTHFUL
It's like my Grandma wrote this.
I think that Victory Bible Church is dangerously close to copyright infringement. They better hope that the good people at Hershey’s never find out about Wannaknow, distance cousin of the Whatchamacallit and the Thingamajig candy bars. Instead of crispy rice...
Friday, May 25
NO, I DON'T THINK SO
By the way, this is meant to be sarcastic.
In no way do I want to literally throw down.
Granted, I haven’t posted in a long time, partly because of school, partly because I lost my Google password and then forgot the new one, only to have to get a new one, only to forget that one. But over my absence...
Wednesday, April 4
JUST A TOUCH OF SALT
"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti..."
That's going to be one intense communion...
Friday, March 16
SOMEONE CALL MAURY
I am sure that a paternity test can be arranged... I know people.
God.. you ARE the father...
Wednesday, March 14
WELL, THIS DOESN'T LOOK GOOD
I have a love/hate relationship with birthday parties. On one hand, they're great because I get to let my kid run around like a mental patient without being judged by other parents, and also there is the likelihood that I can score some birthday cake. Ironically, these are the same reasons dislike birthday parties. Just once I'd like a parent to send me an honest invitation: "Come celebrate Suzi's...
Tuesday, March 13
DISCO INFERNO
I listen to Pandora radio every morning as I get ready for work. Not only is it awesome it's also the reason I'm always running late. You try dancing to just a portion of "Goody Two Shoes." Can't be done. However, with all the hours I've put into Pandora, I've come to notice that it can be lazy. While I respect lazy, and I like structure, this means I wind up having to hear the same songs at...
Tuesday, March 6
GOD IS IN HIS HOLY TEMPLE
These guys are really glass half full kind of people.
I have a couple of thoughts on this all of which can be explained through interpretive dance. However, I am without a camera right now, and never would do that anyway for fear of becoming the new "Double Dream Hands" guy. I could express it...
Wednesday, February 29
JESUS SHAVES
I've said a lot about Victory Bible Church. At times I've been harsh, I'll admit. But as you can see, sometimes they kind of deserve it. It's hard to take a church seriously when they can't even get their only source of marketing right. This has been up since Monday and either the entire congregation...
Saturday, February 25
OH FOR F@$K'S SAKE! WHITNEY HOUSTON EDITION
The first thing that I thought about when I heard Whitney Houston died was "yeah, that's about right," immediately followed by, "oh great, now we'll have to hear about it non-stop for the next two weeks." I was right. It reminded me of the Michael Jackson death orgy of '09.
Much like Jackson, everyone seems to put on their rose-colored glasses to look back at her life and career....
Wednesday, February 22
DEATH BECOMES ME?
Once I had a discussion about whether it would be better to die slowly or suddenly? A morose topic I know. I didn't even blink and said "suddenly." My attitude about death is that I'm not afraid of it, I just don't want to know it's happening. Like in the case of nuclear war, I just want that bomb...
Thursday, February 16
FAMILY VALUES
Wow, what a pick me up on a Monday morning. Why not just have a bullet for breakfast? This reminds me something that Bill Hicks once said:
"Hey buddy, my Daddy died for that flag..."
"Really?'Cause I just bought mine."
My Dad just co-signed for a car...
Tuesday, February 14
RETURN POLICY?
Much like milk, God has an expiration date.
I found this one when I was clearing out old photos. I can't believe that I missed it. Anyway, it's all the way back from Black Friday. I wonder if they had lines like Targe...
Thursday, February 9
NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY
So for the past four days Mark and I have been marveling at this one. There is so much wrong that I don't know where to begin. It's gotten to the point where I want to call them and say, "you know, you really need to fire whoever is writing your signs. You're not getting your message across. Or at least...
Wednesday, February 8
NO-FRIEND-O
Believe it or not, there was a time when I was even lazier than I am now. I know, wow, right? Well, I'll admit that I had a little help in the form of marijuana, but all it really did was bring out my full slug potential. The pinnacle of my slacker/stoner/loser phase was the summer that I lived at the...
Friday, February 3
I MIGHT AS WELL COOK
I've been doing Weight Watchers for awhile now. Or, should I say I had been doing Weight Watchers for awhile. In recent months I've kinda let the point-counting fall by the wayside in lieu of things like pizza and Girl Scout cookies. I know, I know, not the best attitude after all that hard work, but...
I'M GONNA NEED MY BIFOCALS
Sorry about the bad quality of the picture. It was raining. Either that, or God was cryi...