Friday, December 17


During Piper's four days of unfortunate intestinal distress, there were many fake-outs that led us to believe that the worst was over. During one such reprieve, I unwisely decided to take her a "Breakfast with Santa" that I'd already paid for. I think had I not already laid out the cash, cooler heads might have prevailed and we would have skipped it. But hey, eleven dollars is eleven dollars.

I should have known better. I did know better. Especially since right before we left, she had a "throw up in her pull-up." Her words not mine. Mark and I thought that the phrase was pretty great and throughout the next couple of days turned it into a techno song of sorts. I still think that in the right demographic it could be a hit.

Anyway, we got her all cleaned up, waited a bit, and then decided to give the Santa breakfast a try, especially since I'd already mentioned the magic word: Santa. We braved the 20 degree weather and reached the Community building just in time for pancakes and Tang. When I asked her how she liked the Tang (because let's be honest, that shit is gross), she said "it's good." I then told her "well the astronauts drink it," thinking myself all kinds of clever and cool. The couple across looked at me like I was an astronaut - from planet crazy. Hey, I can't help it if I'm old and I remember that damned ad campaign.

Piper had exactly two bites of pancakes when she looked at me and said, "I need to go to the potty." I could tell by her face that it was serious. I immediately took her hand and sprinted to the bathroom and we made it time. Almost. All I'm going to say is that I left that bathroom with a pair of panties in my pocket and she went back to the Santa breakfast commando.

I tried to get her to go see Santa, since you know, he was the reason that we were there, but she didn't want to. Instead she wanted to do crafts. I was like "kid, I didn't pay eleven bucks for pancakes and Tang." But we did some crafts and after a while I suggested that we give Santa another try. She approached him with a lot of trepidation and then tried to hide behind me. I kept trying to lure her over to Santa so I could get a picture, even telling her at one point "look, he has a candy cane, don't you want to get a candy cane?" That's when I realized that I was actually encouraging my daughter to take candy from strangers, so I backed off that one.

Then Piper did what Piper does best, which was to throw a fit right there in front of Santa and everyone. Not realizing that the floor she was about to fling herself on was concrete, she really nailed her nose during the episode. I looked at the dude playing Santa and he kind of shrugged and I drug Piper on the highly-buffed floor back to the crafts table.

We were just sitting down to more coloring when two of her friends from school came up to say hi. I asked them if they'd seen Santa and they, of course, had. I then asked if they wouldn't mind taking Piper up there and holding her hand so she wouldn't be scared. They obliged and I have to say that it was super cute. They all walked up there and Piper's fear completely vanished as she ran up to Santa and gave him a great big bear hug, just as her pants fell down, exposing her butt to the entire crowd waiting in line.

She got a candy cane.


Kate and Dennis said...

Oh, poor P. I'm in tears laughing at this little escapade. Hope she doesn't always associate seeing Santa with bare buns, now.