Monday, August 1


If you’re anything like me, when you think about cabin fever, you probably think about winter. Then, your thoughts may turn to Jack Torrance when he decided to get away from it all at lovely hotel with a great maze (yes, I know that the Overlook is haunted, but let’s not debate Kubrick right now). But, thanks to the surface-of-the-sun like conditions that we’ve been having lately, I’m learning that cabin fever is very real, and very much alive in the middle of summer. 

"Wendy, darling, light of my life!
I'm not gonna hurt you."
Well, you know how the rest goes...
It’s so hot. It’s awful because we’re captives in our own home until the sun goes down and even then it’s only for a few minutes so that I can take inventory of which plants died today.  I admit it. I don’t think that I would ever survive in a post-apocalyptic world. At least if it was the "Mad-Max" hot weather kind. Who am I kidding? I wouldn’t make it in a “Red Dawn” winter situation either.  Me and my weak genes would totally die.

You know it’s bad when I take to wearing sleeveless shirts, and trust me no one wants to see these ham hocks flying free. We went to a birthday party for one of Piper’s friends the other day, and the damn thing was outside. By the time we left, we looked like people from that “I Shouldn’t Be Alive” show. You know, the one where dumb-asses go hiking in the Grand Canyon with only a bottle of Dasani.  Everyone was sweaty and dirty with food smeared all over them. 

The poor dog hasn’t been on a walk in a month. Yeah, yeah I know that I should do it late in the day, but he’s a 10 year old basset hound and he’s so low to the ground that his body would basically spend 20 minutes hovering over a sidewalk that’s been baking all day.  

I am also dreading opening our electric bill. I have a feeling that we’re going to need a micro-loan to pay it.  It’s kind of like Vegas. As those slots roll round and round, your heart beats faster as you wait to see how much money you’re going to lose. 

The worst thing about the heat is the crankiness that comes with it (as if you couldn't tell by now). No one has any patience and everyone is tired. I was trying to fold laundry last night and let me tell you, it works much better if you sit up to do it.

True, we are all out there going to work and school, but our destinations are just more inside, because the only outside you can stand is the walk from inside to the car to take you to more inside. I usually look for any excuse I can find to laze it up inside, because those episodes of "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" aren’t going to watch themselves. I want to see what happens with Patrick, Paddy, Paddy and Paddy, but not like this. Not by force. Besides, I’ve resorted to no TV and just leaving the New Age station running so that hopefully it will calm everyone down.

I noticed that it’s going to be a blustery 90 degrees on Friday. Maybe this means that we can take a spin around the maze without having to leave a man behind. Because goddamn it H.I., you never leave a man behind.