OH FOR F@$K'S SAKE! 6.05.09

Let me preface this with, I’m not stupid and I like Chelsea Handler, or should I say, I did. While I will give her mad props for the title of her book, Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea, at being super clever at combing my two loves, booze and Judy Blume, the Chelsea of yore was way funnier in 10 second clips on other shows.
I’ve seen her around for awhile now on different shows bringing the funny, but since Chelsea Lately, she’s been getting a lot of press. I was reading one such article the other day when I saw something that made me stop. Collaborate and listen. According to various sources, Chelsea claims to be 34 years old. 34. 1975. I don’t think that age really defines a persons, something that I keep saying more and more the older that I get. But 34? Come the fuck on! That mean, that's younger than me! I don’t think so. I think that girlfriend got some Botox and some good lighting and shaved about 8 years off her birth certificate. I get that Hollywood can be rough and ages can be tweaked a little, but let’s stay in the ball park here. Every time I watch her show, I look at her and think, 34? Yeah right! It’s like watching The Real Housewives of… and seeing those women that are supposedly way younger than me, too. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not slathered in makeup, or maybe I’m just highly delusional, or maybe being poor is good for the complexion.

But bottom line, Chelsea Handler ain’t 34. Now, pass the Vodka.